“Aren’t We All a Little Autistic?” Exploring Nuance and Connection

It’s a comment that pops up in conversation more often than you might think. Perhaps you’ve heard it, or maybe you’ve even wondered it yourself:

“Aren’t we all on the autism spectrum?” or “Aren’t we all a little bit autistic?”

For many in our community, hearing this can feel incredibly invalidating. It’s something that often bothers me, and my initial internal reaction is usually defensive. But recently, I’ve been trying to take a step back. Instead of just reacting, I want to respond thoughtfully and productively. As someone who is AuDHD and works as a therapist with neurodivergent individuals, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on this question.

Is there a way to explore this idea that honours our shared humanity without erasing the specific realities of autistic communication and existence? I think there is, but it requires us to look a little deeper.

The Human Need for Patterns

Humans are wired to find patterns. It is a fundamental part of how we survive and how we make sense of the world. We seek patterns to connect with others because, deep down, we all want to feel like we belong.

Autistic individuals often have an incredible ability to spot patterns—both in their own thinking and in the behaviour of others. But non-autistic individuals look for patterns too. When a neurotypical person says, “I do that too,” or “I’m a bit like that sometimes,” they are often trying to find a bridge. They are looking for a connection point to say, “I understand you; you belong with me.”

This drive to connect can lead people to see similarities in traits or thinking styles. And while the intention might be connection, the impact can be quite different.

Autism: A Specific Cognitive Difference

While we all share human traits, autism is defined by science as a specific set of cognitive differences. It isn’t just about having a few quirks or preferences; it is a distinct neurotype.

Crucially, for a clinical diagnosis, these traits usually have to be associated with significant distress or impairment. Many autistic individuals seek a diagnosis specifically because they are struggling. They are hitting barriers in a world not built for them.

This means that what we typically associate with “autism” is often framed through the lens of distress. You generally have to be impaired in two or more settings to receive that clinical confirmation. But this raises an interesting point: what about those who aren’t in distress?

Cognitive differences are as varied as humanity itself. There may be people with autistic traits who never seek a diagnosis because their environments are wonderfully supportive. They might have the privileges, context, or lifestyle that allow them to navigate their differences without hitting those walls of distress.

Why “We’re All a Little Autistic” Can Be Harmful

Even if we acknowledge that human traits exist on a continuum, saying “we’re all a little autistic” can unintentionally cause harm.

Firstly, it minimises the very real challenges many autistic people face. It erases the experiences of those with higher support needs, those who are non-speaking, or those with co-occurring intellectual disabilities. When we flatten the spectrum into a universal human experience, we risk overlooking the people who need specific accommodations the most.

Secondly, it overlooks the privilege of those who can navigate the world easily. If you have autistic traits but can switch codes, cope with sensory overload without melting down, or muddle through to understand social rules, your experience is fundamentally different from someone who cannot.

Autistic communication and experience are distinct. Acknowledging this distinction helps us honour the depth and diversity of the spectrum. My autism is never going to be exactly the same as another person’s autism. There may be overlaps, but our lived experiences—how we have moved through the world—tell the whole story.

Let’s Discuss with Kindness

Ultimately, saying “we are all a little bit autistic” often reveals a lack of understanding about how complex autism truly is.

While we may see reflections of ourselves in others, it is important to approach this topic with care, nuance, and understanding. We can validate our shared human desire for connection without blurring the lines that define specific neurodivergent identities.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. How do you feel when you hear this phrase? Let’s discuss with kindness, curiosity, and respect for all experiences. That safe space is incredibly important for us all.